are you so shy because you have an std?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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