I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
