Whod you bang
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
