Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
