I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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