How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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