and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
