i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
