Plan B is the new Plan A
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
