my phone needs a breathalizer
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize