this beer tastes like vomit already
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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