went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Quick, to the slutcave!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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