My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
