Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
