I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
