Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
