I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize