well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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