you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
