I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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