Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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