I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
