i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
