I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
