69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
