We won't sleep together?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
