Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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