im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
