I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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