I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
