I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
