considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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