If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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