i barfeds in our rink
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
