I think I died a long time ago.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
