I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Can Purell be used as lube?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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