Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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