I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
