I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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