he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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