guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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