dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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