she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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