Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
