Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
