So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
