Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
