watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
