He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
