how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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