i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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