I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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