I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
