Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
