last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
