I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
