Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
