she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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