nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
