whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
