I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
