I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
