Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
