Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
