I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
