I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
