if i can run in heels then i can drive
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
