Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize