and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
